Balancing Grief and Professional Responsibilities: My 6 Coping Mechanisms

This is not a step-by-step guide on how to manage grief while needing to fulfil your professional responsibilities. This is a reflection of how I managed to deliver quality outputs for my client in Q1&2 of 2025 while dealing with the biggest heartbreaks and traumas of my life, one of those being losing my sister.

Firstly, thank you for clicking on this blog post and choosing to engage with my thoughts; even in this vulnerable journey I’m about to share. These are some of the tactics I applied in my journey of grief to be able to successfully deliver my contractual obligations for my client, Seinoli Legal Centre:

1.    I Admitted How I Was Feeling

Often, corporate culture mandates that we leave our personal problems at the door as we enter the office. As someone who holds herself to high professional standards, I knew that I had to adhere to the requirements of professionalism in order to deliver quality work for my client.

So, every morning before my shower I had my cathartic release. I sat on the floor of my room, leaned back on my bed, and just talked about how I was feeling. I imagined God was in the room with me and I was sharing how I really felt about the situation, even telling Him I was mad at Him. I believe that the Creator of the universe is mighty enough to handle the full breadth of our emotions. So, like a child, I poured out my grief and asked Him to carry me through the day. Some might call this mindfulness, but whatever school of thought you come from, knowing that you can be your true authentic self in a space that feels like home is how you remedy the hardships of this life. By doing this every morning, I was able to leave the grief of that day in my room and make my way to work to serve my client. 

Me watching ocean waves crash over some rocks as I reflect on life

2.    I Leaned on My Community

On days when I was not doing well, I would send a message to one friend who would not give me “Christian platitudes” but equally ache with me while encouraging me. I specifically mention “Christian platitudes” because as a Christian, I have noticed that my fellow brothers and sisters usually don’t know how to help people walk through grief without throwing verses at their problems. Instead of just sitting in the quiet discomfort of their grief, some Christians offer scriptures that often leave those hurting detached and feeling more alone. Sometimes, all a grieving person needs is to know that people are there with them. They don’t have to utter a word, but to simply sit in the ringing stillness of pain, unafraid of co-labouring in carrying the load, even if it’s for a little while. Offering unsolicited advice and platitudes helps no one.

I also reached out to people who had walked through grief. I remember asking one friend how long it took for her to heal from the loss of her father. “It took me almost 10 years to fully heal.” My friend didn’t sugar-coat the reality of how arduous the journey ahead will be. I appreciated her candour. From another, I asked whether I could reach out to him with difficult questions I encounter as I heal from the loss of my sibling. Since he had walked through a similar journey of losing a sibling several years prior, I knew that asking him to hold space for me when the days seem a lot more confusing would be beneficial in the long run.

My friend Hloni and I at His Majesty King Charles III's Birthday Celebration. Hloni has answered my difficult questions about grief.

3.    I Engaged with Podcasts of People Talking About Their Grief

I was curious about how people have navigated grief. I wanted to know what it looked like to be mad at God and still choose to pray. I needed to know what happened to those who made mistakes because they chose to run away from the pain into the arms of a numbing agent that only provided a temporary high while ultimately leaving them empty. I needed to sit through those conversations and cry with the speakers so that I don’t make the same mistakes they made because they were too traumatised to face the hurt they felt. Seeing their tear-soaked cheeks while their voices quivered from the lingering pain of loss reminded me that while the circumstances around my sister’s death are unique, grief is far too common. Many attempt to “carry-on with life” without acknowledging their loss, and end up bleeding all over everyone and everything, including their places of work and colleagues. From these stories I learned what not to do to be able to show up effectively for my client.

4.    I Wrote About My Grief

While it was difficult to write longer pieces such as blog posts or articles, I found it easier to write some thoughts on my phone notes and some in my journal. Writing those thoughts on my phone was a great place to land my anger as grief unravels you in the most unexpected ways. There are many thoughts that when I read today, I realise should never be released into the world; but getting them out of my system allowed me to offload and focus on the work that stood in front of me. In my journal, I repeatedly reminded myself that my sister was dead so that my mind would catch up to the reality of what was happening. This reminder helped me avoid nightmares, as I gave my conscious mind permission to process the trauma. This eased the burden on my unconscious mind to process the trauma as it received information that I was already on the journey of accepting. Research found that nightmares relating to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are often symptoms of unprocessed trauma, because of a failure of the brain’s emotional memory systems to fully integrate and resolve the traumatic experience.[1] Experiencing one nightmare was enough for me to explore different coping mechanisms. I needed to stay on top of things to protect my sleep and rest so that I could keep going to fulfil my obligations.

5.    I Prioritised My Client’s Needs Over My Immediate Business Needs

Hear me out, I’m not saying you should abandon your business. What I’m saying is that when you’re confronted with needing to balance work on one hand and grief on the other, your overt business activities might have to take a back seat for a while. Remember, your reputation as a service provider matters.

For months I didn’t write blogs for this website, but focused my energy on serving my client. While I had a clear content calendar planned out for this blog page, being confronted with a traumatic event meant that my energy was overstretched, and I had to be honest with myself about the number of tools I had in my toolbox of coping mechanisms. The best way I could ensure that I didn’t ignore my needs was taking a break from additional ventures and interests, and focused my energy on my client, while trying to recalibrate by tending to my mental health.  I chose health over excessive work that people usually do to remain relevant. I knew that my business would not fall apart from a few months of inactivity on my website.

A TV interview I co-organised for my client SLC and their partner the British High Commission the week my sister went missing.

6.    I worked in Busy Environments Where People Didn’t Know My Story

I found myself being more productive working from restaurants and coffee shops as opposed to the office or from home. These “impromptu” offices offered an opportunity to get away from people’s questions. People were flowing in and out of our home to offer their condolences (as per our beautiful Basotho culture). With this, our guests wanted to meet with any family members who were present and ask how they were doing. The same goes with working from the office - colleagues would look at me with so much pity and concern. While I appreciate these gestures of compassion, they often reminded me that I should be sad or distraught, dragging me into the abyss of negative emotions that invite a dark cloud over a somewhat bearable day. I chose to change my work environments to be able to achieve at least three outputs daily. The restaurants and coffee shops buzzing with the activity of patrons coming in and out for a meal or a quick beverage, and the smile of a friendly waiter taking my order were refreshing to my soul. I was in spaces where people were genuinely engaging with me like a blank canvas, ready to be explored and not pitied. I found myself feeling normal again, like a person navigating life and business, while enjoying the ambience of a fragrant restaurant.  

Me meeting a potential client for a lunch meeting at a restaurant after putting in an hour of focused work time.

There are strategies that I believe can also be incorporated into my arsenal. Exercise is one such tactic which I know can assist with distressing from life’s pressures. I must admit that I haven’t seen the inside of a gym since I found out that my sister was late. I was overwhelmed with so many responsibilities that making time to go to the gym everyday was impossible. However, as I transition from my contractual obligations with Seinoli, I’m ready to resume my exercise regimen.  

Lastly, while these strategies I applied are not prescriptive, my hope is that they would be beneficial to someone who is navigating an equally challenging life experience. Not everyone has the adequate resources to seek professional mental health services such as counselling or therapy, but we can all curate environments that will support our mental health and help us to thrive, despite life’s unexpected traumas. If you have any strategies you have applied in your life to help you cope with difficult life situations while fulfilling your professional obligations, please share them in the comments section. Who knows, these might be helpful to someone who reads this blog? Thank you for journeying with me.  

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Reference List

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed. Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing, 2013.

Ellis, Leslie. Trauma Nightmares and Mental Health: Realistic Dreams as a Key Warning Sign. DrLeslieEllis.com, 2025. https://drleslieellis.com/trauma-nightmares-and-mental-health-realistic-dreams-a-key-warning-sign/.

Khiron Clinics. “The Link Between Trauma, Nightmares, and Sleep Paralysis.” Khiron Clinics. Accessed July 16, 2025. https://khironclinics.com/blog/the-link-between-trauma-nightmares-and-sleep-paralysis/.

Levin, Ross, and Tore A. Nielsen. “Nightmares, Bad Dreams, and Emotion Dysregulation.” Current Directions in Psychological Science 18, no. 2 (2009): 84–88. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2009.01614.x.

[1] American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th ed. (Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing, 2013).

Leslie Ellis, Trauma Nightmares and Mental Health: Realistic Dreams as a Key Warning Sign, DrLeslieEllis.com, 2025, https://drleslieellis.com/trauma-nightmares-and-mental-health-realistic-dreams-a-key-warning-sign/.

Khiron Clinics, “The Link Between Trauma, Nightmares, and Sleep Paralysis,” Khiron Clinics, accessed July 16, 2025, https://khironclinics.com/blog/the-link-between-trauma-nightmares-and-sleep-paralysis/.    

Ross Levin and Tore A. Nielsen, “Nightmares, Bad Dreams, and Emotion Dysregulation,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 18, no. 2 (2009): 84–88, https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2009.01614.x.